Before I became a Christian, I was a good
kid. I didn't do anything wrong, really: no drinks, no
drugs, good grades, good ethics. Model kid. And I was
also an atheist. I didn't like the thought of never
making decisions for myself, of being a puppet on a
string. I couldn't imagine there being anything after
death: just death itself, and there's the end. I didn't
know or care how the universe was created, only that it
was impossible for a god to wave a wand and make it so.
Then depression came.
There was an ache in my heart so great and
so heavy that sometimes all I could do was concentrate on
breathing. It was this fuzzy pain in my chest that made
it hard to swallow and even harder to talk.
Medication did not work. Family, friends:
they tried so hard, but nothing could alleviate the
emptiness.
Nothing worked -- except God. As corny as
that sounds: nothing worked, except God. I put aside all
the questions, all the doubts, all the defiance I had.
All I could pray was, 'God, help. Nothing is working. I
need you to take away the pain. I need to breathe.' For
months, all I prayed was that prayer. And -- slowly -- I
got better. That was almost two years ago. My
depression is completely gone.
Out of my depression sprang the greatest
love I have ever known, and the strongest love I have
tried to return; out of my depression sprang a clear
purpose for my life; out of my depression sprang my
realization that there is a God, and he is gentle,
tender, and loving.
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I Will Not Forget You
Many men will drink the rain
And turn to thank the clouds
Many men will hear You speak
But they will never turn around
I will not forget You are my God, my King
And with a thankful heart I bring my offering
And my sacrifice is not what You can give
But what I alone can give to you
A grateful heart I give, A thankful prayer I pray,
A wild dance I dance before you
A loud song I sing, A huge bell I ring,
A life of praise I live before You
Many men will pour their gold
And serve a thing that shines
Many men will read your words
But they will never change their minds
I will not forget You are my
God, my King
And with a thankful heart I bring my offering
And my sacrifice is not what You can give
But what I alone can give to you
A grateful heart I give, A
thankful prayer I pray,
A wild dance I dance before you
A loud song I sing, A huge bell I ring,
A life of praise I live before You
-- Waterdeep
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